Just like that, Christmas has come and gone! If your family is anything like mine, Christmas Eve is filled with family, friends, food, fun and laughter. Christmas day is a little more chill, especially as empty nesters. The kids begin to make their way to our house with children in tow, those that have them, we greet each other still a little tired from last night’s festivities but look forward to a relaxed slow morning, and a day of catching up and spending time together. Once everyone has arrived, we hand out gifts and the unwrapping, shredding of paper, excited smiles and giggles from the grandkids begins. The exchange of thoughtful gifts comes to an end and now it's time to eat! We break bread and joyful sounds begin to fill the house, from grandkids playing with their new toys to family members engaging in conversation, laughing and catching up with what’s new. Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then this blog may hit home too!
As our children began to roll in one by one with their children, gifts to exchange, tired faces from last night's festivities and those early morning “Santa came, Santa came” squeals, I came to realize I’m in a new era of Christmas. The first era of Christmas of course is as a child, then as the parent of excited children, now the parent of grown children with children and all eras come with their own unique joys! The first season comes with innocent joy and excitement in what Christmas brings, receiving gifts, spending time with family and playing with cousins for hours at family parties. Then you become an adult with children of your own and Christmas joy and excitement take on a different meaning because now you are on the giving end of the Christmas miracles, (you know the Santa gifts under the tree, kind of miracles wink wink). Now, as an empty nester, I realize there is another era of Christmas, one where the joyful noise, playing children, and full house become quiet, and empty when everyone retreats back to their own homes.
As I reflect on this new era of life, I realize it comes with wisdom, understanding and knowledge I did not have in younger years. It brings to mind many conversations with friends, family and colleagues I've had who are just getting started or are deep in their second era. They are waking up with crying infants every two hours or so, they are training toddlers to share, potty training and beginning to think about what the best education for their child will be, all overwhelming and legitimate concerns. Then as children start to grow, go to school, begin extra-curricular activities, the concerns and challenges continue to evolve and parents do their best to keep it all together.
There’s one specific conversation I had with a fellow colleague of mine who is in the beginning stages of her second era. She was in my office, feeling a bit overwhelmed, tired and venting about life as a mom of toddlers (add to that wife and full-time career women). I listened, allowed her a safe place to have her moment, all the while remembering when I thought those were the difficult years. I certainly did not minimize those legitimate feelings, nor am I doing so now. I empathized with her because I had walked in her shoes before, so I knew exactly how she felt. When she had let it all out, had a moment to exhale. I gave her some words of encouragement and another perspective that would hopefully remind her, that though some days may be hard and challenging, these are the easy days. How so, you may be asking? Well, even though that toddler or teen may be defiant, they still have to do what you say, and stay within the protective boundaries you set for them. Keeping them in those boundaries without them being mad at you can be difficult but give them a couple of hours they will get hungry and you will become their favorite person again.
It’s in the third era when things can get really difficult. Now, your children are young adults beginning to take their first steps of independence, trying to figure out who they are outside of mom and dad, and learning what it truly means to be an adult. They begin making decisions on their own regarding their future, maybe living lifestyles you do not agree with or condone and you find yourself feeling like you are losing control. There is nothing harder than watching a child make a decision that will lead to a proverbial “train wreck" or “brick wall”, but because they are now an adult, you cannot protect them from it. Everything in you wants to say “NO, STOP!” and you might, but chances are, they are not going to listen. So, you sit back, wait for their plans to unfold and pray the outcome you knew would come, does not! When it does, you watch from the sidelines and your heart hurts because if they had just listened it would have saved them from the consequences of not heeding your wisdom ,and experiencing the pain or failure you tried to protect them from.
Now, I am not saying every parent’s experience will be like this, but after many conversations and my own personal experiences both as a young adult and now parent of adult children, I can speak from a place of knowlegde and wisdom. As my children became young adults, I had no choice but to trust God’s promises. God gave me a word in 2007 from the book of Isaiah “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.” (Isaiah 54:13, NIV). Anytime I began to worry, stress or feel anxiety over my children I would remember this verse and stand on it. I also took comfort in Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” No matter how difficult things may have seemed or how deep a valley my children were in, I trusted God, laid each one of them at His feet everyday and stood on the WORD OF GOD!!!
So whether you are in your second or third era, I do not have to tell you that each has their own joys and challenges, you already know that. I do encourage you when you are at a loss on what to do, how to respond, or what direction to take, seek God and He will, through the Holy Spirit, impart His wisdom to you!
Isaiah 54:13, (NIV) “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”
Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
