2021 has been a year of transformation and restoration for me. The revelation of this did not come to me until the last few months of the year as I began to reflect on all God had done for me and in me. My word for the year was “TRANSFORM”, little did I know how powerful it would be when I chose this word. For me to fully enlighten you I have to take you back a couple of years to 2018.
I started day one of 2019 with a 90-day devotional by Priscilla Shirer, one of my favorite pastors and teachers of the gospel. The title of the devotional is “Awaken: 90 Days with the God who Speaks”. I decided to begin the new year by spending time with God for the first part of each day. Little did I know how much of an impact this would make in all areas of my life. The year before, in 2018, our family had suffered THREE devastating blows. The first was the unexpected and tragic loss of my children’s Father at the young age of 45. Though we had already been divorced for 17 years the grief was heart-wrenching. The second was my youngest son’s car accident that could have taken his life but fortunately for him and our family, an ambulance was just a few short feet away. When I called the hospital after being informed of the accident; the nurse told me “Ma’am we will provide you with more information when you get here” my heart sank into my stomach. All I can remember thinking is “what could they not tell me over the phone?” Lastly, the imprisonment of my eldest son. No matter how much you feel you are prepared to see your child have to atone for their choices you never really can prepare yourself enough emotionally. It’s the same heartache you experience when someone dies. Sit for a moment and take that in, imagine all three events happening within a short few months of one another, one right after another before you’ve had a chance to fully process the last. I believe most would think there is no way to walk through such events without losing some of your mental and emotional stability. I admit there were days that I cried myself to sleep, got on my knees in my prayer closet, and called out to God for continued strength but I never lost my footing. My feet were planted solidly on the word of God and His promises. I remained steadfast pressing into Jesus continually which made it possible to persevere through each of these without “striking my foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:12). How you might ask? I firmly believe it was because of where my focus was. I became laser-focused on God (my Father), Jesus (my Savior), and the Holy Spirit (my Counselor). Has it always remained that way? NO! That sly, cunning, and evil devil slivered in and sadly was able to distract me.
Toward the end of 2019, I found myself in a relationship I should have never been in. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was led to believe that circumstances were different. As time went on the truth began to reveal itself. I was told repeatedly, “please give me time to make things right”. The truth is this person was still married and not at all in the process of a divorce as he had led me to believe. Against my better judgment and my spiritual beliefs, I gave him time to make it “right”. He never did and his continued pursuit of me after I attempted to walk away on multiple occasions began to shift my focus from God to him. I became so consumed even obsessed at times with every broken promise and questioning every motive he had that this “situationship” became my primary focus. As a result, I suffered a great deal of stress and heartache to the point my hair began to thin and I even had occasions of low-grade fevers with no other symptoms (which I found is also related to extreme amounts of stress). I also suffered from bouts of severe depression and anguish that resulted in days without eating, leading to unhealthy weight loss. Needless to say, I was beyond an emotional mess! Who I had become was not at all the same woman I was. I lost myself in the process and was having difficulty finding my way back. Thanks to the support of my family and friends I was finally able to break free of that relationship. Through lots of prayer and interceding, I was delivered from the stronghold of that ungodly, unhealthy situation and set free by the Grace of God. You may be wondering where I am going with all this, so stay with me.
Recently I began a book study with some amazing Godly women on the book “Fervent” by Priscilla Shirer. In this book, she teaches you how to pray fervently and specifically over different areas of your life. One of those areas is our “Focus” and how to pray and protect ourselves against the enemy’s attempts to disguise himself and manipulate our perspectives so that we’d focus on the wrong culprit (excerpt from the book). Before starting this book study, I would often ask myself “how did I get so lost in that relationship and actually lose myself in the process?” I was so perplexed because just a couple of years before I suffered heart-wrenching events in my family and I didn’t lose myself in the process. So, what was so different this time? And just like that the proverbial light bulb came on and the Lord said to me what seemed almost audibly “your focus was different”. In 2018 my focus was on God and I continually fed myself from His word, listening to sermons on YouTube every morning and staying in prayer. The following year, 2019 my focus shifted from God to my relationship. In this chapter of the book, Priscilla talks about how important it is to put on the full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17). The Armor of God is His Truth (God’s standard), Righteousness (right living), Peace, Faith, Salvation, and The Word of God (the Bible). All of these I had abandoned in pursuit of something the enemy used to distract me from my focus on God. Thankfully God is merciful and no matter how distracted we become, He is always there to welcome us back with His grace when we get our focus right.
If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, and a lack of peace in your life, I encourage you to examine where your focus is. Are you giving most of your attention to external factors in your life or are you focusing on God and His truths? If your answer is external factors I encourage you to get laser-focused on God and feed your spirit with His word daily. Take moments to listen to praise & worship music and listen to the love story in each song of just how profound God’s love is for you, soak it up, take it in and let it nourish your soul. I assure you that when you consistently seek HIM above all else (Matthew 6:33) you will begin to see a shift in your focus and in your life.
~A Transformed Diva
