Christmas Eras

Just like that, Christmas has come and gone! If your family is anything like mine, Christmas Eve is filled with family, friends, food, fun and laughter. Christmas day is a little more chill, especially as empty nesters. The kids begin to make their way to our house with children in tow, those that have them, we greet each other still a little tired from last night’s festivities but look forward to a relaxed slow morning, and a day of catching up and spending time together. Once everyone has arrived, we hand out gifts and the unwrapping, shredding of paper, excited smiles and giggles from the grandkids begins. The exchange of thoughtful gifts comes to an end and now it's time to eat! We break bread and joyful sounds begin to fill the house, from grandkids playing with their new toys to family members engaging in conversation, laughing and catching up with what’s new. Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then this blog may hit home too!

As our children began to roll in one by one with their children, gifts to exchange, tired faces from last night's festivities and those early morning “Santa came, Santa came” squeals, I came to realize I’m in a new era of Christmas. The first era of Christmas of course is as a child, then as the parent of excited children, now the parent of grown children with children and all eras come with their own unique joys! The first season comes with innocent joy and excitement in what Christmas brings, receiving gifts, spending time with family and playing with cousins for hours at family parties. Then you become an adult with children of your own and Christmas joy and excitement take on a different meaning because now you are on the giving end of the Christmas miracles, (you know the Santa gifts under the tree, kind of miracles wink wink). Now, as an empty nester, I realize there is another era of Christmas, one where the joyful noise, playing children, and full house become quiet, and empty when everyone retreats back to their own homes. 

As I reflect on this new era of life, I realize it comes with wisdom, understanding and knowledge I did not have in younger years. It brings to mind many conversations with friends, family and colleagues I've had who are just getting started or are deep in their second era. They are waking up with crying infants every two hours or so, they are training toddlers to share, potty training and beginning to think about what the best education for their child will be, all overwhelming and legitimate concerns. Then as children start to grow, go to school, begin extra-curricular activities, the concerns and challenges continue to evolve and parents do their best to keep it all together. 

There’s one specific conversation I had with a fellow colleague of mine who is in the beginning stages of her second era. She was in my office, feeling a bit overwhelmed, tired and venting about life as a mom of toddlers (add to that wife and full-time career women). I listened, allowed her a safe place to have her moment, all the while remembering when I thought those were the difficult years. I certainly did not minimize those legitimate feelings, nor am I doing so now. I empathized with her because I had walked in her shoes before, so I knew exactly how she felt. When she had let it all out, had a moment to exhale. I gave her some words of encouragement and another perspective that would hopefully remind her, that though some days may be hard and challenging, these are the easy days. How so, you may be asking? Well, even though that toddler or teen may be defiant, they still have to do what you say, and stay within the protective boundaries you set for them. Keeping them in those boundaries without them being mad at you can be difficult but give them a couple of hours they will get hungry and you will become their favorite person again. 

It’s in the third era when things can get really difficult. Now, your children are young adults beginning to take their first steps of independence, trying to figure out who they are outside of mom and dad, and learning what it truly means to be an adult. They begin making decisions on their own regarding their future, maybe living lifestyles you do not agree with or condone and you find yourself feeling like you are losing control. There is nothing harder than watching a child make a decision that will lead to a proverbial “train wreck" or “brick wall”, but because they are now an adult, you cannot protect them from it. Everything in you wants to say “NO, STOP!” and you might, but chances are, they are not going to listen. So, you sit back, wait for their plans to unfold and pray the outcome you knew would come, does not! When it does, you watch from the sidelines and your heart hurts because if they had just listened it would have saved them from the consequences of not heeding your wisdom ,and experiencing the pain or failure you tried to protect them from. 

Now, I am not saying every parent’s experience will be like this, but after many conversations and my own personal experiences both as a young adult and now parent of adult children, I can speak from a place of knowlegde and wisdom. As my children became young adults, I had no choice but to trust God’s promises. God gave me a word in 2007 from the book of Isaiah “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.” (Isaiah 54:13, NIV). Anytime I began to worry, stress or feel anxiety over my children I would remember this verse and stand on it. I also took comfort in Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” No matter how difficult things may have seemed or how deep a valley my children were in, I trusted God, laid each one of them at His feet everyday and stood on the WORD OF GOD!!!

So whether you are in your second or third era, I do not have to tell you that each has their own joys and challenges, you already know that. I do encourage you when you are at a loss on what to do, how to respond, or what direction to take, seek God and He will, through the Holy Spirit, impart His wisdom to you!

Isaiah 54:13, (NIV)  “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”

Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Bobby the Angel

Have you ever read about angels in the bible and wondered do they still exist today? Have you ever wondered if there are angels gracing us with their presence? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are not alone! I too, have found myself asking the same questions at certain times in my life, but in recent days I have come to believe without a doubt, they do exist!

On Monday December 15th, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy with a DIEP flap reconstruction, you are probably wondering what that is exactly. Well, to put it plain and simple it is a surgery that takes the fat from your abdomen and uses it to reconstruct your breast. If you have read my previous blogs you already know I was diagnosed with stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in both breasts in March of this year. As you can imagine this was a shock to myself and my family but by the grace of God we all managed to walk through this season with peace and supernatural strength. The original plan was to have this procedure back in May until they found positive cancer cells in my right lymph node which caused the surgery to be delayed. This was so that I could receive 25 rounds of radiation to my right side. Once I completed the radiation I was given the green light to proceed with the surgery. I was told it was a procedure that would take six to eight hours to complete, so I would be under anesthesia for that long. In all honesty and transparency, I admit I was a bit nervous, but I knew God was in control and not done writing my story. He had given me God winks a few days before to reassure me He was not done but only getting started!

Surgery day came and I had a peace that could only come from God because I had no fears. I was ready, ready to get this done and begin healing so I could continue to live out my purpose for which God has positioned me here. Surprisingly, the surgery only took five hours instead of the usual six to eight so I was out of surgery by 1:00 pm. I came out of anesthesia without any side-effects and was transported to the room where I would be monitored for the next couple of days. Needless to say I was a little groggy that first day and was under the care of the most wonderful nurses anyone could have.  My nurses had to come in every hour to check my surgery sights to make sure there was no unusual bruising or swelling, then it went to every two hours during the night. During one of the check ups with my night shift nurse, Tori, she informed me that she would be back with the new nurse during shift change. Around 4:45 am nurse Tori returned to administer my meds, check my surgery sights and take my vitals. As she came in I saw a man wearing a pink scrub top and blonde hair walk in behind her and say “Hi I’m Bobby, I’ll be looking after you today.” He appeared to be looking at monitors and continued to stand behind nurse Tori observing all she was doing, but I found it strange they never interacted, then he walked out behind her. Later, around 6:15 am she returned with my day nurse, Misty. I asked about Bobby the male nurse and neither of them knew who I was talking about. I told them he had come in with Tori at 4:45 am and said he would be looking after me. Tori just smiled at me and said “no, I was by myself.” I am sure they both thought the medication was giving me hallucination but I had already been off anesthesia for almost 24 hours by this time. So, I choose to believe God sent Bobby the Angel to look after me. I believe he administered healing to my body because I have had minimal pain or discomfort. I have been getting up walking, doing my breathing exercises and well, writing this blog because, 1) I feel good and 2) I had to share this testimony! I researched angels in the bible because I had to be sure of what I saw and this is what God confirmed for me through His word. 

Exodus 23:20 “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”

Psalm 91:11-12 “(11) For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; (12) they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

Bobby the angel was sent ahead of me and sent to take charge over me that day to ensure the healing God promised. So, if you think you have seen an angel, you probably did and they were sent to take charge over you too. 

~A Healed & Restored Daughter of the Most High

Walking in Full Surrender & Purpose

It has been three months since my bilateral breast cancer diagnosis, and the prayers, thoughts and words of encouragement have blessed me and made this journey easier to walk through. I am so thankful for the support system I have been blessed with and the doctors God assigned for my care. I could not be more grateful! A few years ago, God began to do a work in me that took a lot of refining in the fire, stripping away old habits, thoughts, behaviors and all that was not a reflection of who He is. He began to heal me and create me anew (2 Corinthians 5:17). Had it not been for this refining season, I do not think I would have been able to walk in this new season with such peace and purpose. Did I walk into it gracefully? No, not as much as I would have liked to. Let me share with you how God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, brought me to perfect peace and joy, despite a cancer diagnosis. 

The first month after my diagnosis, I was ok. I had a positive mindset because I was told that we found the tumors early. I was set to have a bilateral mastectomy with DIEP Flap reconstruction and we would monitor with medication for the next five years. Pretty cut and dry, right?! Well, as I was being prepped for surgery with MRIs, CT scans, and all the blood work, my amazing surgical oncologist found an additional tumor in my right breast. This prompted her to do a biopsy of my right lymph nodes, which came back positive for cancer cells. The cancers in both breasts were completely different tumors, but the right one was more aggressive. I did my best to remain positive, but reality set in and my spirit broke. On April 26th, I became spiritually broken, because in my human capacity of understanding, it was not supposed to be like this! I wept that evening, cried myself to sleep and woke still in the same broken emotional mess I went to sleep in. I do believe the scripture “...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5), but not this particular morning. My husband did not want to leave me in that state, but I assured him I would be fine; I just needed some time with Jesus. After he left for work, I grabbed my prayer journal, wrote to God, got out what I was feeling and then lay prostrate on my living room floor. Listening to praise and worship music, I spoke to my Abba Father. I invited the Holy Spirit to come into my home and counsel me, help me to understand. As I lay there surrendered to the Holy Spirit, He began to take me on a journey through my life. He showed me how he was with me at birth, when I was born a blue baby, having no oxygen for 24 hours, but still survived. He reminded me he was with me when my innocence was robbed from me as a little girl, and when I attempted suicide at the age of 17 years old, but He had other plans and blessed me with my son, my reason to keep going. Then we walked through the broken marriage into the life of a single mother, only I was not single at all, He was with me every day. The Holy Spirit said, “This valley is no different, I am walking with you still. I have NEVER left you”. Then at that moment I could feel peace, confidence and joy welling up inside my spirit. I once again had peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). 

I would not be honest if I said that was the only time I had a meltdown. The spirit of fear and discouragement tried to rear their ugly heads again. After my bilateral lumpectomy and biopsy of my left side lymph nodes, I met with my medical oncologist and went over the lab results. The left side showed to have clear margins around the tumor and clear lymph nodes, Praise the Lord! Unfortunately, the right side was not a good report. There were cancer cells in the margins of both tumors extracted from the right breast. My doctor suggested chemotherapy because of the aggressive nature of the cells. This was NOT what I was expecting, seeing as how in the beginning I was given a more positive outcome. I went home feeling defeated and discouraged. Again, I found myself at the feet of Jesus. I pulled out my prayer journal and started writing. I was upset, frustrated and all the emotions one could imagine feeling at this moment. I began to vigorously write out my feelings, expressing all my frustration, when a whisper over my right shoulder asked, “Do you trust me?”. I paused for a second or two, kept writing and again I heard “Do you trust me?”. I paused for a few seconds longer this time, looked away for a second, wondering, “Is that you, Lord?” but then brushed it off and continued writing. A third time I hear “Do you trust me?”. At that moment, I knew it was the Lord. I put my pen down in full surrender and with my face in my hands cried, “Yes, but I’m scared”. After I spoke those words, I had a vision. I saw myself as an adult but with a childlike spirit. I was standing at the threshold of a doorway and on the other side, it was pitch black. I could not see past the doorway, then I saw a hand (only a hand and maybe up to the wrist). I knew in my spirit it was the hand of God, He was asking me to take His hand and TRUST Him as HE walked with me through the unknown, then He reminded me “You asked me to use you to take territory for my Kingdom”. In full surrender, I took His hand and stepped over the threshold.  

That day, I chose to completely and fully trust God, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is in control and walking this valley with me. Once again, my spirit welled over with peace, confidence, or “Godfidence” and joy that can only come from HIM. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, “ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Since that day, I was told I did not have to do chemotherapy after all, I am doing very low doses of radiation to minimize side effects so that I can be ready for my “big surgery” sooner. In the meantime, I spend time with God every day, I read and speak healing scriptures over myself, I have written down in my small prayer journal and I walk with joy in my heart and a smile on my face knowing I am healed, in the name of Jesus. My purpose is to encourage others that no matter what battle, valley, or obstacle you may be facing, there is hope in Jesus Christ our Savior, TRUST HIM!!!

~A Disciple of Christ

God’s Promises Do Not Return Empty

God’s Promises Do Not Return Empty

 Never in a million years did I think I would find myself on the battlefield of cancer, but here I am with Stage 1 breast cancer that has affected my right side lymph nodes. I have heard it said many times, “God gives His biggest battles to His strongest soldiers”. He must think I am exceptionally strong, but I am not complaining. Anyway, I can bring Him Glory is a privilege, and Glory and Honor He will receive! Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes”, I know God is working this all out because He has provided me with the top Doctors in the area, and who could have ordained that but God! He has surrounded me with Prayer Warriors who intercede for my family and me every day, all day. There is no greater provision and gift than that!

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Would I have chosen this journey for myself? No, of course not, but my plans are not His plans. Do I believe God gave me cancer, ABSOLUTELY NOT, not ever will I believe that! I do believe that He allows things to happen for many reasons, be it to strengthen our own faith for battles that lie ahead, strengthen someone else's faith by how we walk through our “...valley of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23:4), or to take territory for His Kingdom. I know my plans are not His plans but I trust His plans are so much better. The Lord has proven this to me in so many ways. One example, I can most certainly testify to, is the man God hand-picked to be my husband. I could not have chosen a better man. He loves the Lord, works hard, loves and cares for me, our children and grandchildren and extended family, and he is a pillar of strength in his own right. God’s purpose prevailed, I would say and do so, with a very thankful heart! Isaiah 55:8-9 “(8) For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. (9) As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” So, I know God’s purposes do prevail and no matter what the medical records say, God’s purposes in this cancer journey, WILL PREVAIL, AMEN!!! 

God promised me many years ago, in 2007 to be exact, in Isaiah 54:14-15 “(14) In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. (15) If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.” God has already delivered me from this disease because His word does not return empty but will accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). So it is written that cancer has to surrender, it can no longer invade my body and is removed in the MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!

~A Healed Diva 💛