Christmas Eras

Just like that, Christmas has come and gone! If your family is anything like mine, Christmas Eve is filled with family, friends, food, fun and laughter. Christmas day is a little more chill, especially as empty nesters. The kids begin to make their way to our house with children in tow, those that have them, we greet each other still a little tired from last night’s festivities but look forward to a relaxed slow morning, and a day of catching up and spending time together. Once everyone has arrived, we hand out gifts and the unwrapping, shredding of paper, excited smiles and giggles from the grandkids begins. The exchange of thoughtful gifts comes to an end and now it's time to eat! We break bread and joyful sounds begin to fill the house, from grandkids playing with their new toys to family members engaging in conversation, laughing and catching up with what’s new. Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then this blog may hit home too!

As our children began to roll in one by one with their children, gifts to exchange, tired faces from last night's festivities and those early morning “Santa came, Santa came” squeals, I came to realize I’m in a new era of Christmas. The first era of Christmas of course is as a child, then as the parent of excited children, now the parent of grown children with children and all eras come with their own unique joys! The first season comes with innocent joy and excitement in what Christmas brings, receiving gifts, spending time with family and playing with cousins for hours at family parties. Then you become an adult with children of your own and Christmas joy and excitement take on a different meaning because now you are on the giving end of the Christmas miracles, (you know the Santa gifts under the tree, kind of miracles wink wink). Now, as an empty nester, I realize there is another era of Christmas, one where the joyful noise, playing children, and full house become quiet, and empty when everyone retreats back to their own homes. 

As I reflect on this new era of life, I realize it comes with wisdom, understanding and knowledge I did not have in younger years. It brings to mind many conversations with friends, family and colleagues I've had who are just getting started or are deep in their second era. They are waking up with crying infants every two hours or so, they are training toddlers to share, potty training and beginning to think about what the best education for their child will be, all overwhelming and legitimate concerns. Then as children start to grow, go to school, begin extra-curricular activities, the concerns and challenges continue to evolve and parents do their best to keep it all together. 

There’s one specific conversation I had with a fellow colleague of mine who is in the beginning stages of her second era. She was in my office, feeling a bit overwhelmed, tired and venting about life as a mom of toddlers (add to that wife and full-time career women). I listened, allowed her a safe place to have her moment, all the while remembering when I thought those were the difficult years. I certainly did not minimize those legitimate feelings, nor am I doing so now. I empathized with her because I had walked in her shoes before, so I knew exactly how she felt. When she had let it all out, had a moment to exhale. I gave her some words of encouragement and another perspective that would hopefully remind her, that though some days may be hard and challenging, these are the easy days. How so, you may be asking? Well, even though that toddler or teen may be defiant, they still have to do what you say, and stay within the protective boundaries you set for them. Keeping them in those boundaries without them being mad at you can be difficult but give them a couple of hours they will get hungry and you will become their favorite person again. 

It’s in the third era when things can get really difficult. Now, your children are young adults beginning to take their first steps of independence, trying to figure out who they are outside of mom and dad, and learning what it truly means to be an adult. They begin making decisions on their own regarding their future, maybe living lifestyles you do not agree with or condone and you find yourself feeling like you are losing control. There is nothing harder than watching a child make a decision that will lead to a proverbial “train wreck" or “brick wall”, but because they are now an adult, you cannot protect them from it. Everything in you wants to say “NO, STOP!” and you might, but chances are, they are not going to listen. So, you sit back, wait for their plans to unfold and pray the outcome you knew would come, does not! When it does, you watch from the sidelines and your heart hurts because if they had just listened it would have saved them from the consequences of not heeding your wisdom ,and experiencing the pain or failure you tried to protect them from. 

Now, I am not saying every parent’s experience will be like this, but after many conversations and my own personal experiences both as a young adult and now parent of adult children, I can speak from a place of knowlegde and wisdom. As my children became young adults, I had no choice but to trust God’s promises. God gave me a word in 2007 from the book of Isaiah “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.” (Isaiah 54:13, NIV). Anytime I began to worry, stress or feel anxiety over my children I would remember this verse and stand on it. I also took comfort in Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” No matter how difficult things may have seemed or how deep a valley my children were in, I trusted God, laid each one of them at His feet everyday and stood on the WORD OF GOD!!!

So whether you are in your second or third era, I do not have to tell you that each has their own joys and challenges, you already know that. I do encourage you when you are at a loss on what to do, how to respond, or what direction to take, seek God and He will, through the Holy Spirit, impart His wisdom to you!

Isaiah 54:13, (NIV)  “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace.”

Proverb 22:6 (NIV) “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

Bobby the Angel

Have you ever read about angels in the bible and wondered do they still exist today? Have you ever wondered if there are angels gracing us with their presence? If you have said yes to any of these questions, you are not alone! I too, have found myself asking the same questions at certain times in my life, but in recent days I have come to believe without a doubt, they do exist!

On Monday December 15th, I underwent a bilateral mastectomy with a DIEP flap reconstruction, you are probably wondering what that is exactly. Well, to put it plain and simple it is a surgery that takes the fat from your abdomen and uses it to reconstruct your breast. If you have read my previous blogs you already know I was diagnosed with stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma in both breasts in March of this year. As you can imagine this was a shock to myself and my family but by the grace of God we all managed to walk through this season with peace and supernatural strength. The original plan was to have this procedure back in May until they found positive cancer cells in my right lymph node which caused the surgery to be delayed. This was so that I could receive 25 rounds of radiation to my right side. Once I completed the radiation I was given the green light to proceed with the surgery. I was told it was a procedure that would take six to eight hours to complete, so I would be under anesthesia for that long. In all honesty and transparency, I admit I was a bit nervous, but I knew God was in control and not done writing my story. He had given me God winks a few days before to reassure me He was not done but only getting started!

Surgery day came and I had a peace that could only come from God because I had no fears. I was ready, ready to get this done and begin healing so I could continue to live out my purpose for which God has positioned me here. Surprisingly, the surgery only took five hours instead of the usual six to eight so I was out of surgery by 1:00 pm. I came out of anesthesia without any side-effects and was transported to the room where I would be monitored for the next couple of days. Needless to say I was a little groggy that first day and was under the care of the most wonderful nurses anyone could have.  My nurses had to come in every hour to check my surgery sights to make sure there was no unusual bruising or swelling, then it went to every two hours during the night. During one of the check ups with my night shift nurse, Tori, she informed me that she would be back with the new nurse during shift change. Around 4:45 am nurse Tori returned to administer my meds, check my surgery sights and take my vitals. As she came in I saw a man wearing a pink scrub top and blonde hair walk in behind her and say “Hi I’m Bobby, I’ll be looking after you today.” He appeared to be looking at monitors and continued to stand behind nurse Tori observing all she was doing, but I found it strange they never interacted, then he walked out behind her. Later, around 6:15 am she returned with my day nurse, Misty. I asked about Bobby the male nurse and neither of them knew who I was talking about. I told them he had come in with Tori at 4:45 am and said he would be looking after me. Tori just smiled at me and said “no, I was by myself.” I am sure they both thought the medication was giving me hallucination but I had already been off anesthesia for almost 24 hours by this time. So, I choose to believe God sent Bobby the Angel to look after me. I believe he administered healing to my body because I have had minimal pain or discomfort. I have been getting up walking, doing my breathing exercises and well, writing this blog because, 1) I feel good and 2) I had to share this testimony! I researched angels in the bible because I had to be sure of what I saw and this is what God confirmed for me through His word. 

Exodus 23:20 “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.”

Psalm 91:11-12 “(11) For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; (12) they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

Bobby the angel was sent ahead of me and sent to take charge over me that day to ensure the healing God promised. So, if you think you have seen an angel, you probably did and they were sent to take charge over you too. 

~A Healed & Restored Daughter of the Most High

Walking in Full Surrender & Purpose

It has been three months since my bilateral breast cancer diagnosis, and the prayers, thoughts and words of encouragement have blessed me and made this journey easier to walk through. I am so thankful for the support system I have been blessed with and the doctors God assigned for my care. I could not be more grateful! A few years ago, God began to do a work in me that took a lot of refining in the fire, stripping away old habits, thoughts, behaviors and all that was not a reflection of who He is. He began to heal me and create me anew (2 Corinthians 5:17). Had it not been for this refining season, I do not think I would have been able to walk in this new season with such peace and purpose. Did I walk into it gracefully? No, not as much as I would have liked to. Let me share with you how God, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, brought me to perfect peace and joy, despite a cancer diagnosis. 

The first month after my diagnosis, I was ok. I had a positive mindset because I was told that we found the tumors early. I was set to have a bilateral mastectomy with DIEP Flap reconstruction and we would monitor with medication for the next five years. Pretty cut and dry, right?! Well, as I was being prepped for surgery with MRIs, CT scans, and all the blood work, my amazing surgical oncologist found an additional tumor in my right breast. This prompted her to do a biopsy of my right lymph nodes, which came back positive for cancer cells. The cancers in both breasts were completely different tumors, but the right one was more aggressive. I did my best to remain positive, but reality set in and my spirit broke. On April 26th, I became spiritually broken, because in my human capacity of understanding, it was not supposed to be like this! I wept that evening, cried myself to sleep and woke still in the same broken emotional mess I went to sleep in. I do believe the scripture “...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5), but not this particular morning. My husband did not want to leave me in that state, but I assured him I would be fine; I just needed some time with Jesus. After he left for work, I grabbed my prayer journal, wrote to God, got out what I was feeling and then lay prostrate on my living room floor. Listening to praise and worship music, I spoke to my Abba Father. I invited the Holy Spirit to come into my home and counsel me, help me to understand. As I lay there surrendered to the Holy Spirit, He began to take me on a journey through my life. He showed me how he was with me at birth, when I was born a blue baby, having no oxygen for 24 hours, but still survived. He reminded me he was with me when my innocence was robbed from me as a little girl, and when I attempted suicide at the age of 17 years old, but He had other plans and blessed me with my son, my reason to keep going. Then we walked through the broken marriage into the life of a single mother, only I was not single at all, He was with me every day. The Holy Spirit said, “This valley is no different, I am walking with you still. I have NEVER left you”. Then at that moment I could feel peace, confidence and joy welling up inside my spirit. I once again had peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). 

I would not be honest if I said that was the only time I had a meltdown. The spirit of fear and discouragement tried to rear their ugly heads again. After my bilateral lumpectomy and biopsy of my left side lymph nodes, I met with my medical oncologist and went over the lab results. The left side showed to have clear margins around the tumor and clear lymph nodes, Praise the Lord! Unfortunately, the right side was not a good report. There were cancer cells in the margins of both tumors extracted from the right breast. My doctor suggested chemotherapy because of the aggressive nature of the cells. This was NOT what I was expecting, seeing as how in the beginning I was given a more positive outcome. I went home feeling defeated and discouraged. Again, I found myself at the feet of Jesus. I pulled out my prayer journal and started writing. I was upset, frustrated and all the emotions one could imagine feeling at this moment. I began to vigorously write out my feelings, expressing all my frustration, when a whisper over my right shoulder asked, “Do you trust me?”. I paused for a second or two, kept writing and again I heard “Do you trust me?”. I paused for a few seconds longer this time, looked away for a second, wondering, “Is that you, Lord?” but then brushed it off and continued writing. A third time I hear “Do you trust me?”. At that moment, I knew it was the Lord. I put my pen down in full surrender and with my face in my hands cried, “Yes, but I’m scared”. After I spoke those words, I had a vision. I saw myself as an adult but with a childlike spirit. I was standing at the threshold of a doorway and on the other side, it was pitch black. I could not see past the doorway, then I saw a hand (only a hand and maybe up to the wrist). I knew in my spirit it was the hand of God, He was asking me to take His hand and TRUST Him as HE walked with me through the unknown, then He reminded me “You asked me to use you to take territory for my Kingdom”. In full surrender, I took His hand and stepped over the threshold.  

That day, I chose to completely and fully trust God, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is in control and walking this valley with me. Once again, my spirit welled over with peace, confidence, or “Godfidence” and joy that can only come from HIM. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, “ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Since that day, I was told I did not have to do chemotherapy after all, I am doing very low doses of radiation to minimize side effects so that I can be ready for my “big surgery” sooner. In the meantime, I spend time with God every day, I read and speak healing scriptures over myself, I have written down in my small prayer journal and I walk with joy in my heart and a smile on my face knowing I am healed, in the name of Jesus. My purpose is to encourage others that no matter what battle, valley, or obstacle you may be facing, there is hope in Jesus Christ our Savior, TRUST HIM!!!

~A Disciple of Christ

God’s Promises Do Not Return Empty

God’s Promises Do Not Return Empty

 Never in a million years did I think I would find myself on the battlefield of cancer, but here I am with Stage 1 breast cancer that has affected my right side lymph nodes. I have heard it said many times, “God gives His biggest battles to His strongest soldiers”. He must think I am exceptionally strong, but I am not complaining. Anyway, I can bring Him Glory is a privilege, and Glory and Honor He will receive! Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes”, I know God is working this all out because He has provided me with the top Doctors in the area, and who could have ordained that but God! He has surrounded me with Prayer Warriors who intercede for my family and me every day, all day. There is no greater provision and gift than that!

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Would I have chosen this journey for myself? No, of course not, but my plans are not His plans. Do I believe God gave me cancer, ABSOLUTELY NOT, not ever will I believe that! I do believe that He allows things to happen for many reasons, be it to strengthen our own faith for battles that lie ahead, strengthen someone else's faith by how we walk through our “...valley of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23:4), or to take territory for His Kingdom. I know my plans are not His plans but I trust His plans are so much better. The Lord has proven this to me in so many ways. One example, I can most certainly testify to, is the man God hand-picked to be my husband. I could not have chosen a better man. He loves the Lord, works hard, loves and cares for me, our children and grandchildren and extended family, and he is a pillar of strength in his own right. God’s purpose prevailed, I would say and do so, with a very thankful heart! Isaiah 55:8-9 “(8) For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. (9) As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” So, I know God’s purposes do prevail and no matter what the medical records say, God’s purposes in this cancer journey, WILL PREVAIL, AMEN!!! 

God promised me many years ago, in 2007 to be exact, in Isaiah 54:14-15 “(14) In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you. (15) If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing; whoever attacks you will surrender to you.” God has already delivered me from this disease because His word does not return empty but will accomplish what He desires and achieve the purpose for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11). So it is written that cancer has to surrender, it can no longer invade my body and is removed in the MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS!!!

~A Healed Diva 💛

Leaving an Inheritance

The other day in a conversation I had with one of my children the matter of  “leaving something for my kids” came up. As parents, we work hard to leave something to our children once our time here on earth is done. Oftentimes when we think about an inheritance we think of material possessions, homes, cars, money, etc.… All these things are great and provide a sense of accomplishment for you, because you are leaving something behind that would be useful to your children. Your children may feel secure because they can use or sell a home and vehicles, for example, to provide more financial stability. The ability to leave possessions to your children is a blessing but my most prized possession I can leave to my kids is my faith, my relationship with Jesus and Abba Father.

Faith and the knowledge of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit is what I long to leave my children, grandchildren, someday great-grandchildren, and generations to come. I told my son, that our possessions die when our body dies, and we can not take them with us. What we gain through God and our Savior Jesus Christ goes with us to eternity in Heaven. Our spiritual growth, wisdom, knowledge, and purpose cannot be taken away. 

What is gained from knowing God and leaving a legacy of faith in Jesus Christ our Savior? EVERYTHING! God is everything we need all in ONE. He is JEHOVAH ROHI - The Lord My SHEPHERD (Psalm 23:1), JEHOVAH JIREH - The Lord My PROVIDER (Genesis 23:14), JEHOVAH RAPHA - The Lord My HEALER (Psalm 103:3), JEHOVAH SHALOM - The Lord My PEACE (John 16:33), JEHOVAH NISSI - The Lord my BANNER (Exodus 17:15), JEHOVAH TSIDKENU - The Lord My Righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:19-21), JEHOVAH SHAMMAH - The Lord IS THERE FOR ME (Ezekiel 48:35)

With the Lord as my Shepherd, I shall not want or desire anything because He is my provider. When I am sick I can turn to the Lord as my healer and be restored. I will always have peace no matter the circumstances. My salvation is secured in Jesus who was without sin and died on the cross so I may live in eternity with Him. I have the security that God will never leave me nor forsake me. 

THIS…this is the best inheritance, legacy, and most prized possession I can leave my children. If they can receive this knowledge and understanding of Our God and how much He loves them, I have left them richer than any money or material possession can give them. 

The Frontlines of Spiritual Warfare for Our Youth

About three years ago I did a book study with a group of ladies all wanting to grow stronger in prayer. The book was Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer, by Priscilla Shirer. This was the most powerful book, next to the Bible itself, I have ever read. What I loved about it was that it gave me concise step-by-step instructions on how to pray for specific areas of my life and how to use scriptures in those prayers to speak God’s word over myself and my family. I have always prayed for my family, friends and all situations God laid on my heart. Little did I know, in the process God was equipping me and preparing me to stand on the frontlines in spiritual battle for those I love. Scales were removed from my eyes that kept me from being able to see what the enemy was using to keep myself and those I love bound in all forms of demonic strong holds. Once those scales were removed, it was no holds barred! I went to war for me and my family!

I have watched God answer those fervent prayers one after another over the past three years, and it humbles me to know end. To know that God loves us so much that He hears our cries and commands His angels to take charge over us so that we are guarded in all our ways, gives me the confidence I need to fight for my family. Many times, it is not only what we do in the natural but what we call down in the supernatural through prayer that makes the difference. God can ‘do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us’ (Ephesians 3:20).

In my current season of life as a grandmother and mother of adult children, I see battles my children’s generation face as parents that I did not even fathom when I was their age. They are on a whole other battle ground for their children. I hear from other grandmothers their concerns about their grandchildren and what they are going through, and my heart feels for our youth. They are struggling with depression, anxiety, anger, drug addictions, rebellion and so much more, but GOD is GREATER than ALL of these! We as grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and leaders of our youth must equip ourselves with the full Armor of God! We must "stand firm with the belt of truth buckled around our waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Take up the shield of faith, with which we can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God and PRAY in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." (Ephesians 6:14-18).

I encourage my children repeatedly, pray for your kids, cover them under the blood of Jesus, anoint the doors and windows of their rooms, where they sleep, anything they touch. I encourage them to pray for wisdom and discernment so that they know from the Holy Spirit what to say to their children and how to say it and what to do and how to do it. I encourage anyone readying this today to speak the word of God over your children, in the book of Isaiah God said His word does not return empty, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11). If you do not know where to start, purchase Fervent, the book I mentioned in the first paragraph. I have  provided a prayer below if you need one now.

Father God,

Sons/daughters are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons/daughters born in one’s youth. Lord, I thank You for (insert child’s name) and the blessing he/she has been to our family. Father God, I ask you to forgive me for not always being the parent (child’s name) needed. Guide me with Your wisdom so that I may be a good steward over the life you have entrusted to me. I cover (child’s name) under the blood of Jesus, because I know that he/she who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (child’s name) will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely, You will save him/her from the fowlers snare and from the deadly pestilence. You will cover him/her with your feathers, and under Your wings he/she will find refuge; Your faithfulness will be his/her shield and rampart. (child’s name) will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at his/her side, ten thousand at his/her right hand, but it will not come near him/her. (child’s name) will only observe with his/her eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. (child’s name) will make the Most High his/her dwelling, the Lord his/her refuge, no disaster will come near them. For God will command His angels concerning (child’s name) to guard him/her in all his/her ways; they will lift him/her up in their hands, so that he/she will not strike his/her foot against a stone. He/She will tread upon the lion and the cobra; he/she will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because (child’s name) loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him/her; I will protect him/her, for he/she acknowledges my name. He/She will call upon me, and I will answer him/her; I will be with him/her in trouble, I will deliver him/her and honor him/her. With long life I will satisfy him/her and show him/her my salvation. (child’s name) will be taught by the Lord and great will be his/her peace. No weapon forged against him/her shall prevail. (child’s name), you have been called to this place for such a time as this to be a light to this generation and many more to come! In Jesus name! Amen!

Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and all who are within the influence of our youth let’s put on our armor and go to war for your youth and their salvation! They are fighting battles we cannot even imagine!

Scriptures referenced in prayer: Psalm 127: 3-4, Psalm 91, Isaiah 54:13, 17, Esther 4:14

 

Is your Miracle Waiting on you?

 A few years ago, I was at home in a funk feeling depressed and pitiful! I was financially “broke” and barely had enough money to meet my monthly expenses, but not much else after that. I remember this day so vividly because it was a turning point for me. As I was sitting on my corner of the couch, my son turned to me and said “Well, you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself and sit in your pity party, or you can go in there and use the resource you have to get yourself out of this situation.” He was referring to my Mary Kay business I had for more than 20 years by this time. So, after I got over being mildly offended and hurt that he did not take pity on his mother, I got up and went to work. That was the fall of 2018, the outcome of my getting off my fanny and getting to work was an all-expense paid, cruise vacation to the Bahamas, advancing into leadership as a Mary Kay Sales Director, and residual income that helped pay off a student loan and credit card debt. Stay with me because this blog is not about how my Mary Kay Business helped change my financial situation but how God needed me to do my part in the miracle He had waiting on me.

I have prayed, counseled, and ministered to many friends who have felt hopeless and been in tough situations be it financially, emotionally, or physically among others, that seemed to need a miracle to overcome. I would hear countless times “I’m broke, girl”, “I need a miracle from God”, or “God just does not seem to be answering me”. One day when being a listening ear to a friend who was doing everything they could to help their friend change their financial situation (for years) but did not seem to be making any progress, a word came to me. God can and will and still does miracles every day and can change our situation but it requires effort on our part. God’s miracles are a partnership, not a charitable handout. Some might argue God does not need our help to do a miracle and they would be absolutely right, but most of the miracles I have read about require some action on the part of the receiver. In Joshua, the Lord directed Joshua on how he would take over the city of Jericho. God instructed Joshua that he, the seven priests with trumpets, and the armed men would march around the walls of Jericho once a day for six days, and on the seventh day they would march seven times and the priests would sound the trumpets and then Joshua would command the people to “shout!”. When they did what God had instructed the walls came tumbling down and they took the city (Joshua 6:2-21). In the book of 2 Kings, Naaman, the commander of King Aram’s army was instructed by Elisha to go wash in the Jordan River seven times to be cleansed of his leprosy (2 Kings 5:7-14). The man who was born blind and spent his life as a beggar was healed from his blindness, but only after he went to “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (Siloam means sent) (John 9: 1-11). One last miracle that required faith and action on the individual’s part is a miracle we are all familiar with, the woman with the issue of blood. This woman bled for 12 years and not one physician could help her. Her faith told her she did not need Jesus to lay hands on her but if she could just touch the hem of his garment she knew she would be healed. This took her fighting, pushing, and forcing her way through a multitude of people all pressing into Jesus. We all know what it’s like to force our way through a crowd, it takes work and extreme effort at times, we have all experienced it at least once in our life, I am sure. She received her miracle and was healed immediately after doing her part to participate in the miracle that was waiting on her (Luke 8:43-48).

What miracle are you waiting for or rather what miracle is waiting for you? God is waiting to change your situation, transform your life, and use you to be a testimony that He is still the miracle-making God from the Old Testament and New Testament! I encourage you, brothers and sisters, to rise up, act, and take hold of your miracle! Every miracle and provision God desires to do and provide for you is there waiting just like in Joshua, 2 Kings, Luke and John…Go get it!

A Love Story Written by God

WOW…. what a whirlwind of a year this has been! I began the year completely focused and surrendered to God’s will for my life and He utterly blew my mind! I will do my best to describe just how magnificent our God is and how His grace and mercy abound much. I do not know if there are enough words in the dictionary to express just how good God is but I will certainly try.

I was a divorced single mother for 21 years and those of you who are also divorced and/or single know how lonely that can be at times. In my 21 years of singleness, I did date in an attempt to meet someone and possibly get married again someday. Unfortunately, all that happened was one failed relationship after another and a few, ok a lot of one-time dinner dates, because well, we have to have some standards, right? Some of those failed relationships did come with tremendous heartbreak but with each also came wisdom and knowledge. Did I always use the wisdom and knowledge I had gained? No, in some instances I had to repeat the mistake before it got through my thick skull that maybe that is not God’s plan for me. I would repent and “resubmit” my heart and life to God, then when He was not moving fast enough for my taste I would “help” him. That never worked either. Finally, toward the end of 2021, I was so tired and broken from the last horrible relationship I had no desire or energy to force anything else into my life. I took a sabbatical from dating and focused my time and energy on growing my relationship with God. I deleted any dating profiles I had and said no to suggestions from friends, family, and anyone who attempted to introduce me to someone new. I took those last few months of the year to focus on my relationship with the Lord and me. I had decided that I would reevaluate where I was spiritually, mentally, and emotionally at the beginning of the year to determine if I was ready to date again. Little did I know that as I was focusing on God, He was orchestrating the most beautiful love story I had ever known, mine and my husband’s.

In August of 2021 my eldest son was stranded at the airport for four hours with a flat. After many failed attempts at fixing it and finding a spare, he finally called mom (me) for guidance. He asked for a tow truck but I told him knew of someone who owns a mobile tire and service business. So, I contacted that person and my son was back on the road in less than an hour. I know this seems irrelevant but those who know me and my children up close and personally know my eldest has always been the hardest to win over. Fast forward four months I am now working a sip-n-shop for my Mary Kay business and the same gentleman that owns the mobile and tire business paid the support of his business forward and ordered products from me for himself and visited the vendor event to do a little more shopping for Christmas gifts. Even though we had been Facebook friends for almost three years already I had never met him in person. He messaged to let me know he was on his way to pick up his product so I went to the car to get it and put it in a bag for him. While I was walking to the car I noticed he was parking his truck so I waited to let him know I was going to my car. You know how in the movies when the couple lay eyes on each other for the first time and they are mesmerized and everything is in slow motion? Well, I am a living witness that it happens in real life too! As he was stepping out of his truck I watched those cowboy boots touch the ground, and noticed his heavy starched jeans and western belt, which tucked away his nicely starched button-down shirt, his Ariat vest was a nice touch too along with the felt cowboy hat but it was the smile he gave me when he said hello from under that cowboy hat that completed the ensemble and made time stand still. I replied hello and let him know I was going to my car to get his product, little did he know I was flustered and nervous on the inside like a little school girl. Like the gentleman, he is he walked me to the car and then walked back into the sip-in-shop with me. He browsed and shopped while I dropped products, receipts, and whatever else my nervous hands attempted to grab. After meeting him in person I was intrigued and I just knew I needed to know more about him so I suggested an impromptu dinner, since I had not eaten all day that day. He agreed and we had a quick pleasant dinner. He walked me to my car and said thank you for suggesting dinner gave me one of the warmest, strongest, and most comforting hugs I had ever had. It felt safe. We did not see each other but maybe one other time after that when he dropped off some food for me at my other job. I ended up with COVID the following week, which I feel was God’s way of saying, you made a promise to me and I am holding you to it. I had one of the mildest cases of COVID one could have. My kids were hit a little harder and my new friend offered his assistance countless times. Of course, I would politely decline because I tend to be a little stubborn on the receiving help spectrum but there was one day I did accept only it was for my kids. They had been nursing their baby girl through COVID and it began to take a toll. One of those days they had not eaten in almost 24 hours and it was pretty much impossible to leave one alone with the baby since she required so much care and they were tag teaming while the other rested. I asked my friend if he could drop them off some food and within 30 minutes food was on their porch. We got through COVID and finally got together as a family on New Year’s Eve since we missed Christmas quarantining. While we were there I showed my middle son my friend’s Facebook story of a deer he had shot while hunting that day. My son has always had an interest in hunting. While looking at his picture my eldest son asked “who is that?” I told him it was the guy who helped him with his tire that night at the airport his exact words were “now that’s a good guy” my middle son and I shockingly glanced at each other because he has never said that about anyone. Oh, I forgot to mention during this time my AC unit had also stopped working so we had no heat at home. The next day on January 1^st my friend invited me to dinner and also brought a space heater to help until the AC repair man came that following Thursday, he also brought a truck bed full of firewood the next day. After that first official date, I would get a good morning text with a link to a song and a sweet message to have a blessed day. This went on for weeks, I will spare you the rest of the mushy details that lead to March 11, 2022, the day he proposed and asked me to marry him. I was caught by surprise and looking a hot mess. It was dress-down Friday at work if that gives you a hint. From that moment on I knew this was the man God hand-picked for me because I had peace in my heart and in my spirit, which I had never had before. We began planning a wedding and on November 26, 2022, I became Mrs. Hector Villalpando. Even at my best, I could not have chosen a better man for me. He takes care of me on a much deeper level than anyone ever has. He leads me spiritually, covers me in prayer daily, and supports me in all I do. He cares for and loves my children as his own and I love his children just the same. I am so thankful I surrendered my life and will to God because His best for me far exceeds my expectations (Ephesians 3:20-21).

If you are single and frustrated with meeting the wrong person over and over, I encourage you to take a break and use that time to seek God and His will for you. So many times, we “hear pray for the man/woman you want, be specific in your request and God will answer”. That is great advice but that is not the only thing you should pray for. God already knows the desires of your heart and what you need. I strongly believe God knew I was ready for my husband when I stopped praying for what I wanted in a husband and began praying and asking Him to search my heart and show me the things in me I need to change to be the wife I need to be should He decide to bless me with a husband. I could have had the man of my dreams standing in front of me but If I was not right in my heart, mind, and spirit it would not have worked. I probably would have destroyed the opportunity. It was not until I began to ask God to change me that He gifted me with a man after God’s own heart. There is nothing more beautiful than walking into the living room or kitchen and seeing your husband in God’s word or listening to a sermon. So again, I encourage you to seek God first, pray and ask Him to give you the will to do the hard thing and weed out all that is not of Him. I will not lie and say that every day will be easy because it won’t be. Some days will be easy and some will be hard but remember that God’s word says in Philippians 4:13 “ I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Stay focused and “…press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called [you] heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13). If you can do that you will live in His goodness and perhaps with the one He hand-picks for you.

https://youtu.be/WEJs_Bqx8_o

~A Loved Diva💛💚

Where’s Your Focus?

2021 has been a year of transformation and restoration for me. The revelation of this did not come to me until the last few months of the year as I began to reflect on all God had done for me and in me. My word for the year was “TRANSFORM”, little did I know how powerful it would be when I chose this word. For me to fully enlighten you I have to take you back a couple of years to 2018. 

I started day one of 2019 with a 90-day devotional by Priscilla Shirer, one of my favorite pastors and teachers of the gospel. The title of the devotional is “Awaken: 90 Days with the God who Speaks”. I decided to begin the new year by spending time with God for the first part of each day. Little did I know how much of an impact this would make in all areas of my life. The year before, in 2018, our family had suffered THREE devastating blows. The first was the unexpected and tragic loss of my children’s Father at the young age of 45. Though we had already been divorced for 17 years the grief was heart-wrenching. The second was my youngest son’s car accident that could have taken his life but fortunately for him and our family, an ambulance was just a few short feet away. When I called the hospital after being informed of the accident; the nurse told me “Ma’am we will provide you with more information when you get here” my heart sank into my stomach. All I can remember thinking is “what could they not tell me over the phone?” Lastly, the imprisonment of my eldest son. No matter how much you feel you are prepared to see your child have to atone for their choices you never really can prepare yourself enough emotionally. It’s the same heartache you experience when someone dies. Sit for a moment and take that in, imagine all three events happening within a short few months of one another, one right after another before you’ve had a chance to fully process the last. I believe most would think there is no way to walk through such events without losing some of your mental and emotional stability. I admit there were days that I cried myself to sleep, got on my knees in my prayer closet, and called out to God for continued strength but I never lost my footing. My feet were planted solidly on the word of God and His promises. I remained steadfast pressing into Jesus continually which made it possible to persevere through each of these without “striking my foot against a stone” (Psalm 91:12). How you might ask? I firmly believe it was because of where my focus was. I became laser-focused on God (my Father), Jesus (my Savior), and the Holy Spirit (my Counselor). Has it always remained that way? NO! That sly, cunning, and evil devil slivered in and sadly was able to distract me.

Toward the end of 2019, I found myself in a relationship I should have never been in. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was led to believe that circumstances were different. As time went on the truth began to reveal itself. I was told repeatedly, “please give me time to make things right”. The truth is this person was still married and not at all in the process of a divorce as he had led me to believe. Against my better judgment and my spiritual beliefs, I gave him time to make it “right”. He never did and his continued pursuit of me after I attempted to walk away on multiple occasions began to shift my focus from God to him. I became so consumed even obsessed at times with every broken promise and questioning every motive he had that this “situationship” became my primary focus. As a result, I suffered a great deal of stress and heartache to the point my hair began to thin and I even had occasions of low-grade fevers with no other symptoms (which I found is also related to extreme amounts of stress). I also suffered from bouts of severe depression and anguish that resulted in days without eating, leading to unhealthy weight loss. Needless to say, I was beyond an emotional mess! Who I had become was not at all the same woman I was. I lost myself in the process and was having difficulty finding my way back.  Thanks to the support of my family and friends I was finally able to break free of that relationship. Through lots of prayer and interceding, I was delivered from the stronghold of that ungodly, unhealthy situation and set free by the Grace of God. You may be wondering where I am going with all this, so stay with me.

Recently I began a book study with some amazing Godly women on the book “Fervent” by Priscilla Shirer. In this book, she teaches you how to pray fervently and specifically over different areas of your life. One of those areas is our “Focus” and how to pray and protect ourselves against the enemy’s attempts to disguise himself and manipulate our perspectives so that we’d focus on the wrong culprit (excerpt from the book). Before starting this book study, I would often ask myself “how did I get so lost in that relationship and actually lose myself in the process?” I was so perplexed because just a couple of years before I suffered heart-wrenching events in my family and I didn’t lose myself in the process. So, what was so different this time? And just like that the proverbial light bulb came on and the Lord said to me what seemed almost audibly “your focus was different”. In 2018 my focus was on God and I continually fed myself from His word, listening to sermons on YouTube every morning and staying in prayer. The following year, 2019 my focus shifted from God to my relationship. In this chapter of the book, Priscilla talks about how important it is to put on the full Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17). The Armor of God is His Truth (God’s standard), Righteousness (right living), Peace, Faith, Salvation, and The Word of God (the Bible). All of these I had abandoned in pursuit of something the enemy used to distract me from my focus on God. Thankfully God is merciful and no matter how distracted we become, He is always there to welcome us back with His grace when we get our focus right.

 If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, and a lack of peace in your life, I encourage you to examine where your focus is. Are you giving most of your attention to external factors in your life or are you focusing on God and His truths? If your answer is external factors I encourage you to get laser-focused on God and feed your spirit with His word daily. Take moments to listen to praise & worship music and listen to the love story in each song of just how profound God’s love is for you, soak it up, take it in and let it nourish your soul. I assure you that when you consistently seek HIM above all else (Matthew 6:33) you will begin to see a shift in your focus and in your life.

~A Transformed Diva

 

Take the Trip, Buy the Shoes, Get the Lashes

Recently, I took a spring break trip with one of my best-friends. We are both empty nesters and beginning a new chapter in our lives. Until just about four years ago I have been a mom to three great kids, full-time employee with a side hustle for the past 26 years and active in the community. I never felt I had time to travel and embark on new experiences but with much encouragement from friends and family I have begun to step outside of my comfort zone.

My BFF and I traveled to Nashville, TN because we are both country music fans and this was a destination on our bucket list. First, we made a stop in Memphis, TN to stretch our legs and visit some of the sites there. We arrived in Nashville Wednesday evening checked in the hotel and after a long road trip decided to visit the hotel bar & restaurant for a cocktail. We had the pleasure of being entertained by Lizzie Cates; a very talented young lady I might add. We decided to get some rest so we would have the energy for our busy day of site seeing the next day (we are almost 50 after all). Thursday was packed full of walking, site seeing and touring the Johnny Cash Museum, shopping (where I splurged on a cute hand beaded cross body purse), dining and listening to music on Broadway. We dined at Luke Bryan’s place, had cocktails at Jason Aldean’s and discovered a little hole in the wall place named Crossroads that made us feel at home, Texas style. Friday we toured the Country Music Hall of Fame, had a quiet lunch at a Pizzeria, and shopped a little more then headed back to the hotel to get gussied up for a night on the town. We had the pleasure of making new friends the night before from Detroit, Amber and Ed who we reconnected with that evening. The four of us bar hopped like a bunch of 20 year olds on spring break, danced everywhere we went and had a blast. After a few hours of fun the BFF and I had our fill and decided to head back to the hotel but not before we bought street side hotdogs for the walk back. We laughed all the way back to the hotel, oh the memories! Saturday, that was the cherry on top! We both grew up watching the Grand Ole Opry, Hee Haw and listening to all the greats like Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, Conway Twitty, Minnie Pearl with her comedy show and so many others. Touring the Grand Ole Opry brought with it childhood memories and so much more. I even got a little emotional just thinking about what it means to country music artist to become a member of the Grand Ole Opry. As I’m writing this I am still in awe of that place. After, we visited Belle Meade Winery and did a wine tasting. We didn’t get to tour the mansion so we will definitely be going back. We were able to walk the grounds while enjoying a class of wine and the scenery was spectacular. So serine we just sat and enjoyed the peace and beauty that surrounded us. This was our last night in Nashville so we kept it low-key and had dinner and drinks at the hotel restaurant while being entertained by great local talent. We were in our room and pajamas by 9:30 p.m. still in awe at how Saturday was definitely a great way to end the trip. Sunday morning came and we headed back home to Texas and reality but we were well rested and grateful we decided to embark on this adventure. We are already talking and planning another trip to celebrate our 50^th birthdays this year.

I can remember looking out of the hotel window on that first night and gazing out over all the twinkling lights and thinking “wow, I can’t believe I’m in this place” not the actual location but this place in my life. Once I became a Mom I had sacrificed so much of what I WANTED (not needed, there is a difference) to ensure my kids had what they needed and sometimes wanted. I’m sure many of you ladies out there can relate. It has taken me a very long time to be okay with doing the things I want to do and not having to justify rewarding myself. I shared this experience to encourage you to take the trip, buy the shoes, get the lashes or just do whatever it is you want to do! Life is too short to have regrets. Like King George says “I’m not here for a long time but I’m here for a good time”. So, I’ve decided to live the life I’d always imagined!

~ A Diva Living Life to the Fullest

Unraveling My Brokeness

You never truly know how broken you are until you are in a situation that forces you to look within yourself. Over the past nine months I have been dealing with personal situations that have forced me to take a deeper look at my mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. God has begun to reveal some things to me that were so deeply buried I never even knew they existed. It’s been painful but the bright side is that I can now begin to address these issues and heal the brokenness to become a better version of myself.

One of the issues that was unburied is where my sense of insecurity and inability to trust came from.  If I’m completely honest, it is the inability to trust men. As a little girl, I had a relationship with my father that was not as close I had wished for, but it was a relationship. I remember my mother dropping me off to spend the day with him and my Abuelita. He eventually got married, and I didn’t see him again for about 15 years. There is one specific time that has haunted me my whole life and that was when I saw him at the grocery store.  I stood right next to him in hopes he would acknowledge me. I’ll never forget how I felt when he turned away from me like I was a complete stranger. Did he see me and just deliberately not acknowledge me or had so much time passed since the last time he had seen me that he didn’t even recognize me? Growing up through the years my mother would encourage me to call him and reach out to him, so I did. We would talk on the phone for a bit and then a month or years would go by before I would attempt to reach out again. The last time I spoke to him on the phone, I invited him to my quincenera and he promised he would be there. He never showed up. A few days later, I remember telling my mom “do not ever ask me to call that man again” because I was done trying. My heart had been broken one too many times by him, and I was not going to allow it to happen again. Little did I know, this would shape how I viewed men for the rest of my life. When he married, he had more children, and I then became just a “person” from his past. I was just another girl once in his life. This other woman, his wife would now be my replacement as was his other children. No fault to them, but this is how I felt. Since then, I have carried the feeling of rejection, unworthiness and insecurities into my adult relationships. These feelings soon led me to finding myself in relationships that mirrored how my father made me feel that day at the grocery store. The feeling of being replaceable or expendable.

When I was 15 years old, I met a boy who eventually became the father of my children and my husband. We were childhood sweethearts because we grew up together. Unfortunately, because of my past I held him to a standard he could never live up to. How could he? He was a child himself! I was a few months older than him so he was only 14 years old when we met. Looking back, we were both broken children looking to each other to fulfill voids we both had that neither of us had the emotional, mental or spiritual maturity to fulfill. We finally married when our oldest son was 18 months old and from that point on Luis Sr. not only became my husband but also the surrogate for my father. So, when he made mistakes, as we all do, not only did he have to pay the price for his mistakes, but the man (my father) before him. As time when on, we grew and matured but never really healed. Our marriage eventually came to an end, and we parted ways. The scars of abandonment and rejection were reopened and the wounds were made deeper.

As a single woman for the past 20 years I had unknowingly fixated my thoughts on “no man can be trusted” and had the expectation they all leave at some point. In the years I’ve been single, my attempts at dating and relationships have not been successful. All these years, I’ve always blamed “the man” due to my inability to trust. I had pushed people away. There were a couple I can honestly admit attempted to stick it out with me and prove that not all men were the same but because of my brokenness, I was relentless in my beliefs to the point I would give them no choice but to concede and prove me right. I have been forced to take a deeper look within myself lately and have asked God to reveal to me the root of what has caused me so much pain over the years. The beautiful thing about God is that He will not force you to address the painful scars of your past until you are ready, its then that He will reveal it to you. Now that I know where the root of my insecurity and mistrust come from, I can begin to heal. Part of that healing is coming to a place of forgiveness, true forgiveness. As one of my friends recently told me “because you have not come to true forgiveness of those who have hurt you in the past, you’ve allowed it to impact your future”. I recognize that now but it has taken me many years, broken relationships and pain I’ve inflicted on others to fully grasp just how broken I was.  It’s taken me so long to come to this conclusion. I not only have to forgive others. I have to remember to work on forgiving myself as well. I also had to finally admit to myself until I address these issues I would not be able to establish a happy, healthy, loving and trustworthy relationship with someone else.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” My purpose and prayer for this blog is that you find hope in healing, courage to face demons and generational curses that secretly haunt you and comfort in knowing you’re not alone in your brokenness. I urge you to seek God ask Him to reveal to you areas of your life that need healing so that you can live the life God always intended you to live. John 10:10 “…I come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”.

~A Diva Healing Everyday~

Agape Love

Recently, I was searching for some of my Christian books that had been packed away in boxes. In the process, I found some of my old prayer journals. I began journaling in September of 2004, so in my hands I had 14 years of prayers and letters to God. When I began the practice of journaling, I was in a very painful time in my life. I was still healing from a divorce and passed experiences that I had never dealt with. Needless to say, there were some painful memories tucked away in these notebooks. It took me several days to muster up the courage to begin to read them and look back on where I was at that time. There were journals in there regarding all aspects of my life; the good, the bad and the ugly! There were some of gratitude, praise and thanksgiving for God’s goodness. Others, I was pressing into God and crying out to Him for help because life’s challenges were weighing heavy on me. One common factor I found in many of my writings is that I wanted to be loved. Through much soul searching and reflecting, I’ve decided it was time to pull down some walls and lift the curtain on some very secretive aspects of my life that have only been shared with those closest to me and my counselor. I have chosen to reveal these secrets because it will give you a deeper understanding of the goodness of God and what He has done in my life.

         

I grew up in a single parent home with a wonderful mother who loved me more than she could express in words but always revealed through her actions. I knew who my father was and did have somewhat of a relationship with him as a small child, but when he married, I did not see him or hear from him again until I was 20 years old. The REJECTION I felt on multiple occasions when attempting to maintain a relationship with him throughout my childhood became unbearable, so I gave up.  At the very tender age of six or seven years old, I was sexually abused. I know for myself, I cannot speak for every survivor, a little bit of my spirit died. I felt SHAME and dirty. I felt UNWORTHY and never felt good enough or pretty enough. I always felt like something was WRONG with me. This had a huge impact on my adult life because every relationship was affected by it from the relationship with my husband at the time, to my children and any person I encountered. I never let people in completely, and I did not TRUST easily. Despite the walls I had built around myself, I LONGED for one thing the most, to be LOVED. I yearned for love so deeply. I thought the only way a person could be truly loved was by the love of a man. My thoughts about what love really was were so distorted and completely wrong. I would pray to God in my letters to Him to send me a man who would love me. I would ask Him to send me someone because I did not want to be ALONE. To be quite honest I was a hot mess emotionally!

After reading several of my entries and thinking to myself “this is a girl who just wanted to be loved,” God whispered to me, “I have loved you the way you’ve longed to be loved since the beginning of time.” My heart was so full and I was reminded of my completeness in Christ Jesus. I was also reminded of just how much HE LOVED me in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that WHOEVER believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” God loved me so much He sacrificed His son so that I would have eternal life! He also told me in Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.” An everlasting love, He says! He promised me in Isaiah 54:10 “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed.” God found me bound by satan’s lies that I was unworthy to be loved and in a desert land He found me, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded me and cared for me, He guarded me as the apple of his eye (Deuteronomy 32:10). I am so thankful for answered prayer! God heard my cries and longing to be loved and answered them by revealing to me that HIS LOVE is the ultimate love! Oh my goodness, how could I have been so blind all these years? Though it took me years to see it and understand it, God’s love is the ONLY love I need. I no longer have to search for love in empty places or settle for the remnants of what this world has to offer me. I have the AGAPE love of God! My brethren, my hope in writing this message to you is that you too will be filled with HIS agape love. That He will reveal Himself to you and give you an awareness of how completely and immeasurably He loves YOU!

~A Loved Diva~

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Praising God Through the Storm

Since my last blog my oldest son has begun his three-year sentence in prison. I have to admit this has been both an emotional and spiritual struggle for me. It does not matter how strong you are in your faith when it comes to our kids we become vulnerable to things like worry, anxiety, stress, depression and so many other emotions. As a parent, our natural instinct is to want to protect them but sometimes we have to step back and let God take over. In those moments, when circumstances look bleak and depression, anxiety and worry want to creep their ugly little selves in, we must praise God through the storm.

My heart was completely shattered in the days following my son’s transfer to his prison unit. Though you are anticipating the event you are still never fully prepared emotionally. I consider myself a strong person so when I realized I started isolating myself from others and then from those closest to me, I knew I had to do something. I was already praying and journaling so what more could I do? My dear friend suggested a movie called War Room some time back, so I finally watched it. If you have not seen it, watch it! The storyline is about a young wife mentored by an elderly woman who was strong in her faith and taught her how to “fight” for her family correctly, in prayer. She showed the young wife her “War Room” where she would go deep into the word of God and pray. The mentor in the movie reminded the young woman “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). This inspired me to do the same. I not only went to spiritual war for my son, I went to war for myself. I called on two of my friends who are prayer warriors to pray for me as I struggled with depression and isolation. Later that evening I was driving home and one of my favorite praise songs came on “Shackles” by Mary Mary. As I began to sing along a word came to me…praise Him through the storm! That’s exactly what I did! I listened to praise music all the way home and sang along and lifted one hand in worship (the other one was on the steering wheel). I worshiped God and thanked him for delivering me from the spirit of depression and worry. Thank you for your word in Nehemiah 8:10…” do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” I felt a weight lift and my spirit was lighter and there was a significant change in my disposition. At that moment I understood just how powerful praise is and how powerless the devil is! The enemy does not stand a chance when you start praising the Lord! My faith tells me the battle has already been won, it was won on Calvary thousands of years ago. I know God’s promises never return void, so as He is working out all things for the good of those who love Him and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28) I will continue to praise Him. 

In those moments when you feel nothing but despair and hopelessness I encourage you to get in your war room and fight the good fight! Take back your families and pray for salvation, deliverance, blessings, and prosperity over them. Begin to speak against every assignment the devil has against you and your family and against every stronghold, In Jesus' Mighty Name! Create a playlist of your favorite praise and worship songs and blast it from the speakers raise your hands and begin to praise God and thank Him for His goodness. Completely “submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)

~A Diva Praising God Through the Storm~

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Trusting God Through the Storm

This year has turned out to be a challenging year for my family and I. Though you may see pictures of happy smiling faces the reality is there is pain and our hearts are broken. It’s the grace of God you see in those photos and His supernatural peace and strength.

My family has experienced loss after loss this year beginning with the passing of Luis Palacios Sr. The unexpected death of my sons’ father was both shocking and tragic. Grief is something that never goes away, it just becomes more manageable in time and comes in waves. Through the years I have always been able to “fix things” and make them better for my kids when life seemed a bit unfair. This was one situation I could not fix. I was at a loss of what to do. I prayed for God to give me the spirit of discernment and wisdom to know when my boys needed to be comforted and when they needed to grieve alone. In the process I was dealing with my own grief. Though we had been divorced for 17 years the pain was almost unbearable to know that the man I met as a young 15 year old girl and began my adult life with was no longer present on this earth. We respected one another’s privacy and kept our distance but just knowing he was across town was comforting when it came to our children. Now, I have to guide my three kings through this world and adulthood on my own with God as my counselor.

In July of this year my youngest son was in a terrible car accident and could have lost his life. God had mercy on him and protected him! He fell asleep at the wheel and hit a pole head on. He was not wearing a seat belt and flew into the windshield, thankfully my boys have hard heads, because he only suffered a concussion and whip lash from that. He also had a deep laceration on his right arm that also caused an arterial tear, according to those in the medical field he could have bled out in two minutes and died. Thankfully there was an ambulance at the QT which was in front of where the accident took place. He received the medical attention he needed right away and I firmly believe this is why he is still with us today. God’s grace and mercy are boundless, AMEN!!! No, words can describe the way I felt when I called the hospital and was told “I cannot give you any information over the phone”. I rebuked the devil and his thoughts because I knew God was with him. I pray to God every day please protect my boys and keep them safe and He did!

On Tuesday, October 2^nd my oldest son was picked up due to a warrant. As many of you know he was on the Texas Top Ten most wanted poster that floated around social media. One thing I’ve learned a lot about people on social media is that regardless of how much they portray themselves as a “friend” their comments and what they choose to give attention to reveal their true identity. I just pray for them and hope they never have to experience the pain their comments and remarks brought to my family but I do forgive them. Many said “finally”, “he got what he deserved”, “he is a waste of talent”, “I know this guy, should I? I could use the money” etc.… the comments go on and on. Though some statements may be justified because I am a mother that lives in a state of reality and I am completely aware of the pain my son has caused to many; one thing I will stand in defense of is HE IS NOT A WASTE OF TALENT (no person on this earth is a waste) God does not make mistakes! My heart is broken because I know the road my son has before him and yes he did bring this upon himself however; as his mother I still feel the loss. I will always have my son’s back, but will also hold him accountable to his actions. I do not pretend my children are perfect because then I would live my life in a state of delusion. I choose to be transparent, authentic and raw! I am a mother with children who make mistakes. I also firmly and strongly believe and hold on to God’s promises in Isaiah 54: 13 “All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace...17 no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.” My son’s priorities have not always been right but he does love his children. I know from experience it’s hard to show love for those around you when you don’t even love yourself. The real Louie that most people have not had the opportunity to know is one of kindness, compassion and love. He is a protector for those who cannot protect themselves. I have seen him time and time again secretly give water to the homeless, give his last dollar to the beggar on the corner, buy food for the drug addict sitting outside of the fast food restaurant and cry from brokenness in his life. This is the real Louie and I firmly believe that when he comes home he will return as the man he always has been, with no facade of anger, tough guy, gangster or whatever mask he chose to put on for the day. As you can see, I am still processing this situation and my passions are deep. I share to encourage other mothers who may be going through or who have gone through similar circumstances, do not give up on your children never deny them or be embarrassed of them. Love them through it and continue to share God’s word with them and pray it over them every day. They need to know the one person that brought them into this world will always be their one constant supporter especially when it feels like everyone else has tuned their back. Stay strong moms and go to spiritual battle for your kids!

So many of us go through hidden battles and very challenging circumstances and have no idea how we will cope. If it were not for the continued spiritual growth I have gained through every trail I have experienced I would not be able to lead my family with the grace and confidence in Christ that I have been. Do I have my moments that I break down and cry, absolutely! Do I have times when I question God and wonder why this is happening, more than I should! I am human, I will experience episodes of weakness and I will question the reasons why but I will always pray and rest in the knowledge of Romans 8:28 "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Stay vigilant for your family my friends and you will see the miracles of God unfold in your life.

~A Praying Diva~

Letter to Luis

 Dear Lou,

It’s been almost two months now since you’ve gone to be with the Lord. I never imagined I would have to live in this world without you. The boys and I miss you terribly. Even though we did not live together for the past 17 years I always knew you were there.  Though I may not have ever showed it or verbalized it; my love for you always ran deep.

We met when we were just babies at the age of 14 and 15, who would have thought from that encounter a legacy would be created. Our first born came to us at 17 and 18 years old and tied our souls together for eternity. Two more precious babies were created by the love we had for one another. All the memories of the life we shared together have come flooding back since March 21^st. I remember how we cried together when we left the first apartment we lived in to move into our first home (lol). You were always a very sentimental person. I remembered how you and Louie would cut the huge yard together on Fontaine. Louie was only three or four years old and helped as much as he could but you always seemed to find a way to make him feel like he was the biggest help. Oh, remember when I came to the hotel with balloons to tell you I was pregnant? You were so excited! Our sweet Christian was born nine months later. It took us so long to decide what we were going to name him, remember (lol). We went back and forth for months. He was so attached to you because you would keep him with you during the day until it was time for you to go to work at Dillard’s. It didn’t stop there did it? No, we decided to have one more and try for a baby girl but we were blessed with another boy. God knew what he was doing when he gave me all boys. I think I would have gone nuts with a girl (lol). You were almost successful in convincing me to have one more to try for a girl one last time but I folded (lol). You still got your girl though, Kayla loves you so much and your baby boy Jacob is such a sweetheart. All your kids miss you so much.

It’s so sad to think about how true the old adage “you never realize how much you love someone until they’re gone” is. Though life and circumstances separated us physically I don’t think our hearts were ever separated, only the both of us were too prideful and stubborn to admit it. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for any pain I may have caused you in your life. I ca only hope you were able to find it in your heart to forgive me at some point in your life. I know I wasn’t always the easiest to deal with at times but as you know, my passions and my emotions run deep. I hope you are at rest now and that every part of you is completely healed in body, mind and spirit. Don’t worry about the boys I will continue to take good care of them. They know you love them and will continue your legacy of a “father’s love” with their children.

Although my heart is broken because the only man I feel ever loved me true and deep is gone; I will be at peace knowing I was loved so purely. In case you didn’t know before, my love was just as pure, just as deep and just as true. My love for you will always be.

Love always,

Cristina (you always said my name in Spanish)