Raising children in and of itself is challenging but raising sons as a single mother is next level, especially if you are wounded yourself! I had the privilege of raising three amazing sons, each with their own strength and challenges but this story is about my eldest and testimony to God’s goodness and faithfulness.
I was 18 years old when I had my oldest son. I was scared,
unsure of myself, and questioned if I would be a good mom. Truth be told, I did
not want to leave the hospital with him because I was afraid that I would do
something wrong. I was so afraid, I asked if I could stay one more day. The
nurse who was discharging me said “you’re going to do just fine” with the
sweetest smile, and with that I took my baby boy home. It was sweet in the
beginning, and I did my best to be the best mom I knew how to be. A couple of
years later his father and I married, had two more children then divorced. I’ll
spare you the details of that, but what I will say is it left me very broken
and wounded. When I became a single mom, I relied a lot on my oldest son for
help with the younger boys. Little did I know at the time it was too much for
him at that age. Then my anger and rage began to be displaced on him, which
created rage and anger in him. Those teen years were tumultuous to say the
least. He began to get in trouble at school and then with the law, which meant
that I was taking time off work to go to parent-teacher conferences, third-party
hearings with the school district, registering him in a new school because he
was kicked out of the last one and detention hearings with the juvenile courts.
I remember many nights crying myself to sleep, being so stressed my immune
system would get weak and I would get sick. All I could do was pray.
When he was about 15 years old, he found a love for writing,
singing and music. He continued to pursue music but then found himself involved
in a lifestyle I did not condone. He never gave up on music, that was a
lifeline for him, a way to get what was inside, out. I remember telling him,
“Your music will not prosper if you are funding it with the devil’s money”. I
was not sure if he really heard me, but I hoped that one day those words would
resonate with him and he would make a life change. During those years, I would
pray to God for him and ask God to save him, to separate him from the people
that were drawing him further away instead of closer to him. In 2018 my son was
put in prison for 18 months. That was a very difficult season for our family,
but it was what God used to separate him and turn his life around. I remember
one phone call during this time, when I heard his voice, I could hear the pain.
He had just watched the Grammy’s on television and saw two fellow artist who
were starting their music careers around the same time he did. With brokenness
in his heart he said, “Mom, I messed up. I missed my change!” I reminded him
that he does not get to make that decision, God is the author of our destiny,
and He has the final say. During his sentence he served on the church choir
team and kept his passion for music. Upon release he tried to find a job but
unfortunately, it can be challenging when you have a record. Through much
perseverance and determination, he found himself back in the studio making
music, but it was not until he found his niche in country music that it began
to take off. He began to gain popularity on social media platforms which gained
his recognition with record labels and eventually a record deal.
There is one song that I love, and it is Texas Gold. I
love the lyrics and the talent put into the song, but what I really love is the
video. Watching him dance on sand dunes, doing what he loves and making a
living while doing it, is more than a mother could ask for. When I come across clips
of him at his shows I cannot help but thank God for his faithfulness because
for a time there, I felt like my son, like I had messed up too! BUT GOD!
If you feel like you have messed up your life or are past
the point of help. My prayer is that this will bring you hope because no person
is past the point of redemption, only God can determine that. Your Texas Gold
could be one prayer away!
Psalm 127:3-4 “3) Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. 4) Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.
~A Diva's Diary
