Letter to Luis

 Dear Lou,

It’s been almost two months now since you’ve gone to be with the Lord. I never imagined I would have to live in this world without you. The boys and I miss you terribly. Even though we did not live together for the past 17 years I always knew you were there.  Though I may not have ever showed it or verbalized it; my love for you always ran deep.

We met when we were just babies at the age of 14 and 15, who would have thought from that encounter a legacy would be created. Our first born came to us at 17 and 18 years old and tied our souls together for eternity. Two more precious babies were created by the love we had for one another. All the memories of the life we shared together have come flooding back since March 21^st. I remember how we cried together when we left the first apartment we lived in to move into our first home (lol). You were always a very sentimental person. I remembered how you and Louie would cut the huge yard together on Fontaine. Louie was only three or four years old and helped as much as he could but you always seemed to find a way to make him feel like he was the biggest help. Oh, remember when I came to the hotel with balloons to tell you I was pregnant? You were so excited! Our sweet Christian was born nine months later. It took us so long to decide what we were going to name him, remember (lol). We went back and forth for months. He was so attached to you because you would keep him with you during the day until it was time for you to go to work at Dillard’s. It didn’t stop there did it? No, we decided to have one more and try for a baby girl but we were blessed with another boy. God knew what he was doing when he gave me all boys. I think I would have gone nuts with a girl (lol). You were almost successful in convincing me to have one more to try for a girl one last time but I folded (lol). You still got your girl though, Kayla loves you so much and your baby boy Jacob is such a sweetheart. All your kids miss you so much.

It’s so sad to think about how true the old adage “you never realize how much you love someone until they’re gone” is. Though life and circumstances separated us physically I don’t think our hearts were ever separated, only the both of us were too prideful and stubborn to admit it. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for any pain I may have caused you in your life. I ca only hope you were able to find it in your heart to forgive me at some point in your life. I know I wasn’t always the easiest to deal with at times but as you know, my passions and my emotions run deep. I hope you are at rest now and that every part of you is completely healed in body, mind and spirit. Don’t worry about the boys I will continue to take good care of them. They know you love them and will continue your legacy of a “father’s love” with their children.

Although my heart is broken because the only man I feel ever loved me true and deep is gone; I will be at peace knowing I was loved so purely. In case you didn’t know before, my love was just as pure, just as deep and just as true. My love for you will always be.

Love always,

Cristina (you always said my name in Spanish)

Hitting the Reset Button

“Hitting the Reset Button”

A new year always brings with it a feeling of optimism, hopefulness, and anticipation for something better. As the year unfolds though, we may find those positive and hopeful feelings dwindling with each obstacle that may hinder what we thought was going to be “a better year”. We begin to lose hope and the feeling of optimism goes out the window like most New Year resolutions. This message is one that I want to share so that you can be reminded when life does not go as we had planned do not be discouraged but know, it might just be part of the plan.

At the beginning of 2017, I came into the year with debt I had not incurred on my own, but was left to pay on my own. I had also applied for jobs that would mean a promotion for me and more pay, only to be passed up. I applied to graduate school so that I could obtain my master’s degree to teach undergrad courses and was not accepted. So, these events along with the day-to-day obstacles that do not always come with an immediate solution kept coming at me all year. All I remember thinking is “obviously God has a better plan”, although I had to be reminded by those closest to me, I tried not to lose my faith in God and His plan.

Here we are at the start of a new year. Working in higher education and in one of the busiest departments in the industry the first couple of weeks have been somewhat of a blur. Helping our students get set up for the new semester, in addition to providing guidance to students I mentor, and keeping up with my daily job duties made it difficult for me to give attention to my personal goals, like getting into graduate school. I was denied immediate acceptance due to being one point shy of the GPA requirement and 15 points shy of the General Requirements Exam (GRE). Needless to say I was very disappointed. I couldn’t understand why the door had been closed. I was so sure this is what God would want because He placed the desire in my heart. I thought ok, well this just means I need to approach the goal from a different direction. I planned to retake some courses to raise my GPA and reapply in the fall. I had not had a chance to implement my plan because I had been so busy at work, so Friday I took time off to handle personal business, school being one. I submitted the final document needed to complete my admission requirement to allow me to register. I decided to register on Saturday to allow time for Tarleton to process my paperwork. While I was running other errands I received a phone call from our Community & Industry department at work letting me know they have a GED class they want me to teach on Tuesday, Thursday that would begin January 23^rd. You don’t know how excited I was to receive this phone call! I would begin my adjunct teaching job with the college, in addition to my regular job, which would provide more income (you know to pay off that debt I was stuck with) and give me a little relief. It was at that moment I realized why graduate school and retaking classes this semester were put on hold, God had another plan! His plans are always better than our own. My Father in heaven knew I would be overwhelmed with trying to do both so He provided me a solution to meet my financial need, allow me to obtain teaching experience and more time to prepare for graduate school in the fall. In His time God will reveal His purpose and plan to you. So, if at the moment when things are unfolding you don’t understand it, just wait a bit He’ll show you.

I mentioned earlier that I had applied for new positions within the college and at other institutions but had been passed up. I know that with any application it’s a process. A process of you might get an interview, might not. You might be interviewed and get a second interview, might not. You might be selected for the position, might not. Needless to say it does not mean you don’t experience disappointment during the process. The only thing I can do is continue to apply for opportunities that present themselves and know that God will place me exactly where He needs me and in His time. In the mean time I will do my part and trust Him.

I share this message because like myself, there are so many that need to be reminded its ok if we have to “hit the reset button”. No matter what age, stage in life or what goal we had in mind sometimes it’s necessary. So, don’t be discouraged when doors close or when opportunity does not go as planned, remember God has a plan far better than our own. Give Him time to reveal it to you.

~An Enlightened Diva~

Hebrew 10:36

Now What???

Now What???

As a single woman and mother of young adults, who have begun to live a life independent of their mom, I’ve asked myself many times, now what? Now what do I do with myself and all this alone time I have? How do I begin to fill in the pockets of time when I find myself sitting in a quiet house with no one to talk to? How do I utilize the gifts God has given me to allow my experiences, good and bad, to be used to help and encourage others?

Over the past nine years I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth. I attribute this growth first and foremost to my heavenly Father and second, to my education. If it were not for God giving me the strength and desire to continue my education I would have never gone back to school; where I not only gained knowledge but also self-esteem and confidence. It was through this new found confidence that I found my place and my purpose. As women we tend to lose our identity at times because we consume ourselves with our families and their need for us. When our kids grow up and no longer need us as much we become depressed and feel empty inside. We haven’t the slightest clue of who we are or what we enjoy as individuals. Some might call this a “mid-life crises”. I call it an opportunity for “self-discovery”. If you’re reading this you’re probably wondering “OK, how do I begin this journey of self-discovery?” Well, that depends on you. My journey may look a lot different than your journey. Mine started on a path of education through one little success at a time. Then it grew into a mentor-ship through my job that allowed me to use my own personal experiences to help and guide others on their path. 

Not every person’s path of self-discovery will be the same. If you are ready to discover who you are, what your purpose is in life and what your talents are then I encourage you to go to the source, God. Begin by praying and asking God to show you your God given gifts and abilities, to show you your purpose in life and I promise He will begin to reveal Himself in you. Yes, I said that right, in you not too you! The next thing I encourage you to do is begin to take an inventory of the things you are passionate about. Are you passionate about helping others? Do you find joy in organizing events? Are you talented artistically? Most often, what we are passionate about is where we will find fulfillment. Once you have discovered your gifts and passions begin to explore ways you can use them. You will find that you are now becoming who God intended you to be, using the gifts He gave you to do what He called you to do.

Should you decide to go on a journey of “self-discovery” I would love to hear how you plan to embark in answering your own “Now what?" or where your “Now what?” has led you. If you have come to the end of the journey in discovering your "Now what?", please share so that others are encourage to start their journey. 

~A Self-Discovered Diva~

God's Promise

In my devotional time with the Lord this morning I received a word from Him that really spoke to me. So many times, we go through life wondering where God is. We often times think that He has left us or that He does not hear us. Our thoughts are correct in that He is distant from us but not because He has left us but because we have distanced ourselves from Him. We are reminded in Hebrews 13:8 that “Jesus Christ is the same today, tomorrow and forever” we are the ones who change, wander off, and try to do things in and of our own strength. When this happens our faith becomes weak, we become emotionally and spiritually drained and want to give up and quit. We begin to give up on the promises God has made us. We begin to doubt God will restore marriages, bring healing, provide financial blessings, save family members and protect us from the fiery darts of the enemy, but these are all lies! God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). Never stop believing for the promises God has given you! God gave me a word to share with you this morning. His promises to you will never go unfulfilled (Genesis 28:15) “I am with you and watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

Rest in the secure confidence that God will never leave you and He welcomes you back, with open arms and unconditional love and acceptance no matter how far you have wandered. I personally rest in the promise God gave me years ago that “my sons will be taught by the Lord and great will be your children’s peace” (Isaiah 54:13) and I believe this for generations to come!

 ~A Thankful Diva~

Unburying My Talent

I attended a women’s bible study last night with my dear friend. Although, God had already been dealing with me in my spirit about where I am in my life and what I choose to do with my time; I received further confirmation that it was time for me to seek my identity in HIM. As I read my daily devotional and took the time to further study God’s purpose and plan for my life, I was led to the parable of the talents. In this parable as many of you know three servants were entrusted with talents given to them by their Master. The first was given five talents for which he multiplied by five more, the second was given two talents and multiplied his by two more, and the third well he buried his talent and gained nothing for his Master.

So many times we go through life wondering why we struggle spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially. Why are things not happening to me? Why am I still stuck in this rut? Why won’t God bless me or heal me? The list goes on and on. When all the while He has given us exactly what we need to meet these needs and then some.

I would be lying if I said I had it all together and figured it out. I’m just as frustrated as the next person sometimes but what I’m coming to realize is that my blessings do not come from what God can do for me or give me, He’s already given me what I need. My blessings come from who I am in HIM and from the talents He gives me and what I choose to do with them. Will I take them and multiply them or continue to bury them? I know one of my talents is the gift of encouragement. I have always had a deep desire to help people. I genuinely love and care about people and want to see them live out their dreams, whatever they may be. As I write this blog, I am overcome with emotions because I know I have disappointed my Heavenly Father many times by burying my gifts and not utilizing them to my full potential. He has gifted me with these talents for one purpose and one purpose only; to do His will and love His people. I know that one of my identities in Christ is to be in women’s ministry, something I have run away from and avoided for many years. Why, you ask? Well, I run out of fear! Much like the third servant I bury my “talent” out of fear of not being qualified enough, being too dirty or sinful to lead or be entrusted with God’s children, and of course fear of failure.

I have decided it’s time to unbury the talent and do the work God called me to do. I will continue to seek Him so that my identity in Him will begin to unfold and in the process; I will multiply my talents in the name of the Lord! So that one day I will hear those beautiful words “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

  ~A “Talented” Diva~

Unbelievable 2016

Unbelievable 2016

2016 has been a roller coaster of a ride filled with highs and lows. At the start of the year I ended a three year long relationship only to start another one shortly after. I did so despite the concerns of those who love me and found myself changing who I was to accommodate someone else’s insecurities. Thankfully I sought God in this situation and He opened my eyes to things I did not see before. Needless to say I ended that relationship as well. I’ve heard the saying “hope deferred makes the heart grow sick” but never really understood what it meant until after my last breakup. Though my heart was broken it was my spirit that was most affected. I had never lost my faith or hope in God but my spirit had grown sick, kind of like when you’ve had bad food and your stomach is unsettled, it was that feeling but in my spirit. Now that you have the visual or same feeling let me explain how I got passed it. Once I was finally able to pin point what it was I was feeling, I was now able to pray about it and seek God for healing and restoration. God is always faithful, but I don’t need to tell you that, I’m sure you already know. As I started praying for restoration and spiritual healing I could feel the sickness fading and eventually it was completely gone. I have to admit God’s unfailing and unconditional love is over-whelming at times. No matter how many times we try to do things on our own and step out of His will for our lives, He is always faithful to bring us back when we surrender. I thank Him for that and look forward to what He has in store for me in the New Year. The blessings have already begun as I now have my son home from the military and this is the first time, since he enlisted four years ago, that we have had him home for Christmas. The best gift I have received is having all three of my sons home for Christmas.

So, if your 2016 didn’t go quite as you had thought or expected; take comfort and know that when we surrender our will to our Heavenly Father we will not be disappointed. If you have big plans for 2017 know that if you “commit to the Lord whatever you do, your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3). Also, “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Here’s to an unbelievable 2016 and the anticipation for an even more memorable 2017! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

~ A Diva Believing God~

I Am Blessed...

I am blessed…

I am blessed that God doesn’t give me everything I think want.

I am blessed that He protects me from what is not good for me.

I am blessed that He has never left me nor forsaken me.

I am blessed that His love for me is unconditional.

I am blessed that no weapon forged against me will prosper.

I am blessed that I am highly favored by the Lord.

I am blessed that when one door closes another one opens.

I am blessed that I have everything I need.

I am blessed that I have family and friends who love me.

I am blessed that I have good health.

I am blessed that I have a good job and can bless others through it.

I am blessed that I am the daughter of a King!

I am blessed and so are you!

~A Blessed Diva~