This year has
turned out to be a challenging year for my family and I. Though you may see
pictures of happy smiling faces the reality is there is pain and our hearts are
broken. It’s the grace of God you see in those photos and His supernatural
peace and strength.
My family has
experienced loss after loss this year beginning with the passing of Luis
Palacios Sr. The unexpected death of my sons’ father was both shocking and
tragic. Grief is something that never goes away, it just becomes more
manageable in time and comes in waves. Through the years I have always been
able to “fix things” and make them better for my kids when life seemed a bit
unfair. This was one situation I could not fix. I was at a loss of what to do.
I prayed for God to give me the spirit of discernment and wisdom to know when
my boys needed to be comforted and when they needed to grieve alone. In the
process I was dealing with my own grief. Though we had been divorced for 17
years the pain was almost unbearable to know that the man I met as a young 15
year old girl and began my adult life with was no longer present on this earth.
We respected one another’s privacy and kept our distance but just knowing he
was across town was comforting when it came to our children. Now, I have to
guide my three kings through this world and adulthood on my own with God as my
counselor.
In July of
this year my youngest son was in a terrible car accident and could have lost
his life. God had mercy on him and protected him! He fell asleep at the wheel
and hit a pole head on. He was not wearing a seat belt and flew into the
windshield, thankfully my boys have hard heads, because he only suffered a
concussion and whip lash from that. He also had a deep laceration on his right
arm that also caused an arterial tear, according to those in the medical field
he could have bled out in two minutes and died. Thankfully there was an
ambulance at the QT which was in front of where the accident took place. He
received the medical attention he needed right away and I firmly believe this
is why he is still with us today. God’s grace and mercy are boundless, AMEN!!! No,
words can describe the way I felt when I called the hospital and was told “I
cannot give you any information over the phone”. I rebuked the devil and his
thoughts because I knew God was with him. I pray to God every day please
protect my boys and keep them safe and He did!
On Tuesday,
October 2nd my oldest son was picked up due to a warrant. As many of
you know he was on the Texas Top Ten most wanted poster that floated around
social media. One thing I’ve learned a lot about people on social media is that
regardless of how much they portray themselves as a “friend” their comments and
what they choose to give attention to reveal their true identity. I just pray
for them and hope they never have to experience the pain their comments and
remarks brought to my family but I do forgive them. Many said “finally”, “he
got what he deserved”, “he is a waste of talent”, “I know this guy, should I? I
could use the money” etc.… the comments go on and on. Though some statements
may be justified because I am a mother that lives in a state of reality and I
am completely aware of the pain my son has caused to many; one thing I will
stand in defense of is HE IS NOT A WASTE OF TALENT (no person on this earth is
a waste) God does not make mistakes! My heart is broken because I know the road
my son has before him and yes he did bring this upon himself however; as his
mother I still feel the loss. I will always have my son’s back, but will also
hold him accountable to his actions. I do not pretend my children are perfect
because then I would live my life in a state of delusion. I choose to be
transparent, authentic and raw! I am a mother with children who make mistakes. I
also firmly and strongly believe and hold on to God’s promises in Isaiah 54: 13
“All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children’s
peace...17 no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every
tongue that accuses you.” My son’s priorities have not always been right but he
does love his children. I know from experience it’s hard to show love for those
around you when you don’t even love yourself. The real Louie that most people
have not had the opportunity to know is one of kindness, compassion and love.
He is a protector for those who cannot protect themselves. I have seen him time and time again secretly
give water to the homeless, give his last dollar to the beggar on the corner,
buy food for the drug addict sitting outside of the fast food restaurant and
cry from brokenness in his life. This is the real Louie and I firmly believe
that when he comes home he will return as the man he always has been, with no facade
of anger, tough guy, gangster or whatever mask he chose to put on for the day. As
you can see, I am still processing this situation and my passions are deep. I
share to encourage other mothers who may be going through or who have gone
through similar circumstances, do not give up on your children never deny them
or be embarrassed of them. Love them through it and continue to share God’s
word with them and pray it over them every day. They need to know the one
person that brought them into this world will always be their one constant
supporter especially when it feels like everyone else has tuned their back. Stay strong moms and go to spiritual battle
for your kids!
So many of us
go through hidden battles and very challenging circumstances and have no idea
how we will cope. If it were not for the continued spiritual growth I have
gained through every trail I have experienced I would not be able to lead my
family with the grace and confidence in Christ that I have been. Do I have my
moments that I break down and cry, absolutely! Do I have times when I question
God and wonder why this is happening, more than I should! I am human, I will experience
episodes of weakness and I will question the reasons why but I will always pray
and rest in the knowledge of Romans 8:28 "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" Stay vigilant for your family my friends and
you will see the miracles of God unfold in your life.
~A Praying
Diva~
